This Bird Will Soar, The Rant of Rose DeWitt Bukater
by FelgaHelzio96
Summary: Rose's internal rant. Takes place after Cal gives her the necklace and she's alone in her stateroom.


_**A/N: Let's just say that I'm really stressed out right now, so I decided to write a rant... to release some of my own tension. I DO NOT OWN TITANIC.**_

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><p><span>April 11th 1912 (right after the mirrornecklace scene)

I can't believe I let some lowly third class man talk me down. If he hadn't stuck his fat nose in my business... I wouldn't even be sitting here right now. At least I think I would have jumped-or slipped-either way I would have ended up in the ocean and out of my misery.

Of course once he started preaching at me I knew I wouldn't jump. His words had terrified me, and made me realize that perhaps jumping wouldn't be a quick and easy fix, but a rather painful one... freezing slowly with the sensation of a thousand knives stuck everywhere.

I suppose I'm sort of grateful that he'd warned me of that. It would have been a truly awful way to leave the world. You know what pisses me off the most about this whole thing? No, not the steerage rat poking in my business. It's the fact that I'm even considering all of these dark suicide attempts. All for that obnoxiously arrogant prick Caledon Hockley. My own mother is driving me into madness!

Can I just comment on the fact that this whole situation is incredibly f*cked up? I'm stuck in this mess through no fault of my own. It was my father who had the gambling and drinking problems, it was him who racked up all the debt, before going off and having a heart attack... leaving my mother in enough of a panic to sell me off, just so she wouldn't have to give up her place as a high society lady to become a lowly seamstress. I have one word for that: _pathetic_.

It sickens me how Mother wasn't even sad about what happened to my father. Sure, he'd acted irresponsibly and he is the reason I'm in this mess now, but I was still devastated at what happened to him. I know he'd loved me, and I'd loved him just as much if not more. As a little girl whenever Mother would scold me and make me cry, Father was always there. Just him and no one else.

My father was the only person in my world who had supported my dreams. He'd sit at my bedside and ask me what my dreams were, and when I'd tell him how I desired to become a famous Broadway actress or an artist like Monet or Picasso, he'd always smile and tell me to reach for the stars. He wouldn't have minded if I didn't want to get married right away like Mother did, but now he's gone forever, and I'm trapped in a glass cage with no apparent way to escape.

I can't see or feel the light that I used to feel and enjoy. I can't feel it's warmth, and I'm never happy anymore. All I see and feel is darkness. I feel cold and bitter all the time, because I know there is no bright future that lies ahead of me. I'll be married off to Cal and that will be that. He'll work all day while I bust my backside raising his heir, and then come home late at night and have his way with me.

Cal claims that he knows I've been "melancholy" but that just shows how little he knows me. I'm not "melancholy" at all. I don't want to marry him and I'm sinking into a deeper and deeper depression every second. If I marry Cal, I may as well go ahead and sell my soul to the devil while I'm at it.

He thinks he can buy my affection with sweet words spoken in a suave tone. He thinks that he can give me the finest dresses and jewelry and I'll let him in my bed. Well he's wrong. I don't want his stupid 'Heart of the Ocean' necklace. It's cold and heavy, like a heart of ice, like a...a...a dog collar!

He admitted to his tactics just a few short moments ago, perhaps without even realizing it. He said that there was nothing he'd deny me if I did not _deny him _and wanted me to _open my heart to him_. I'm sure what he'd actually meant to say was as long as I slept with him whenever he pleased, he'd buy me anything, and that he wished I'd open my legs to him.

I come to a realization. I'm not even the slightest bit angry with that steerage man who talked me down from the stern, I've never been more grateful to anyone. I am a person too, damnit. Why should I end my life when I'm worth fighting for? I can't just give up... a complete stranger was willing to save me if I jumped... he must see that I dream of doing great things someday. He gave me the second chance I've been searching for all my life.

Caledon Hockley can go crawl into bed with Lovejoy and they can f*ck the living daylights out of each other for all I give a damn. And my mother, that pathetic old wench, she can just get over herself. I will not go through with this marriage... I'm going to fight this with everything I have.

I'm going to live my own life how I choose to live it. Maybe I'll never become rich and famous... but I don't care. I just want to be free from this gilded cage, where I've been held captive for the past seventeen years as this delicate little bird.

This bird is going to fly. No actually... I'm going to _soar_.


End file.
